Today marks one year since I have had a job. It’s pretty trippy. Not working has been a revelation in every sector of my life. I am in the midst of a paradigm shift. I figured a lot of stuff out and I look forward to learning more. As a control freak with nothing to control, I’ve white knuckled through some days. My mantra is less rules and less consequences. It’s made life a lot more simple. I have less opinions and, although I feel connected to myself, nobody else is my business. Less rules and consequences for all. I care, but I don’t care at all.

I’m excited by the opportunity to catch myself, to have my own back. I don’t remember when I gave in, but it feels like a while since I’ve walked in my own shoes. I have a ton of space in my head and my heart’s pumping new ideas. Being so goal oriented, it’s been a challenge to try and allow the space to change. I think that’s been the hardest thing. I’ve kept a calendar for the past year and written down how many miles I walk, how many hours I read, or painted or wrote, what I cooked, if a friend called or stopped by, a list of every e-bay and craigslist transaction. I haven’t been lax, it’s been work being unemployed. Today I am living on the same amount of money I lived on in ’94 and I am grateful for the opportunity to remember what is truly of value. Lack of funds has kept me creating. What comes out of me is free, didn’t cost me a dime. I’m interested again. I didn’t think you could get un-jaded once the snark set in, but I’m frickin’ tryin’.

I have completed 40 pieces toward my goal of 100 for an art show that may take place in a friend’s garage or a legit gallery. I ain’t interested in results, I’m interested in trying. A childhood friend asked me to contribute words to his directorial debut. I wrote for a real movie. One of my childhood dreams came true, and besides meeting Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran, at The Bowery Hotel in NYC, I can’t remember the last dream that came true. I have seen my father more in the last year than in all 38 years I’ve been alive. I’ve had time to have friends and to show up for their moments. I don’t think I’ve missed a birthday of anyone I love, which is a big change.  My dad gave me this quote and I had it taped over my sink in Brooklyn back in the ’90’s. I would marinate on it while I’d do the dishes. It’s back on my wall in Echo Park.

UNTIL ONE IS MOTIVATED, THERE IS HESITANCY,

THE CHANCE TO DRAW BACK, ALWAYS INEFFECTIVENESS.

CONCERNING ALL ACTS OF INITIATIVE AND CREATION, THERE IS

ONE ELEMENTARY TRUTH, THE IGNORANCE OF WHICH KILLS

COUNTLESS IDEAS AND SPLENDID PLANS – THAT THE MOMENT

ONE DEFINITELY COMMITS ONESELF, THEN PROVIDENCE MOVES

TOO.

ALL SORTS OF THINGS OCCUR TO HELP ONE THAT WOULD

NEVER HAVE OTHERWISE OCCURRED.

A WHOLE STREAM OF EVENTS ISSUES FROM THE DECISION,

RAISING IN ONE!S FAVOUR ALL MANNER OF UNFORESEEN

INCIDENTS AND MEETINGS AND MATERIAL ASSISTANCE WHICH NO

MAN COULD HAVE DREAMED WOULD HAVE COME THAT WAY.

WHATEVER YOU CAN DO, OR THINK YOU CAN DO, BEGIN IT.

BOLDNESS HAS GENIUS, POWER AND MAGIC IN IT.

BEGIN IT NOW.

-GOETHE

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my family in England, my Grandma Gwen, who is gone, but with me as I muster courage knowing I have her blood in my heart, and especially my friends. I am so grateful for my amazing friends. I know I’m a handful, but I never could have handled the last year without you guys. Thank you for laughing at my jokes, reading my words, telling me I can write, not taking it personally when I disappear for days, welcoming me when I burst through the door and answering the phone when I run out of answers.

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