I came home from a night at a friends house, making home made ravioli, which is well worth the two hour prep time. My new Danish neighbor was on his way out the door. In my goat cheese and artichoke coated state of bliss, I wished him a good evening and asked if he was well. He replied that he was headed out for garbage bags. I assumed he’d murdered his young wife. Garbage bags at 11PM? Don’t forget the lye weirdo. Then he floored me, announcing “I’ve got bed bugs.” Instinctively I started moving away from him as he explained that an exterminator was arriving in the morning. I was halfway up the first flight of stairs as he told me he’d see me soon. No you won’t.

Fortunately for me “Halloween” is not only a film that never disappoints, but for me, it’s a coping mechanism. Sometimes the right outfit really can make all the difference.

Once outfitted in my Myers leisure wear, from my threshold I Raided the hallway. Then I sealed off the world. I put on fluffy socks, and Swiffered my way around the apartment, wielding my Swiffer like Chaplin with his cane.

Then I sealed every crack in the house with caulk and sticky tape backed foam. Miraculously, these God forsaken vinyl floors have become a blessing. The Danes have wood floors. The Danes have bedbugs.

Paulson is taking everything in stride.