We started Day Two with a pitcher of Late for the Party, and by noon we had a new band: Wasted, with the upside down A, see first album cover above. Wasted is pronounced wah-stead, and Fancy, Extra Fancy and Numero Uno got downright embarrassing on the Kohala Coast. Kynalu had to walk away from his beach front lounge, impervious to our shenanigans.

(photo courtesy Big Kahuna)

Fortunately, we had Cormac McCarthy’s, “Blood Meridian” on hand, for drunken memory joggers. “Why read, when we’re writing our own? Derrrrrr. Wasted!”

We barreled through the first pitcher  of Late for the Party and I was drawn to the sea. Specifically a sand bottomed lava tide pool. I gingerly stepped in, that’s how I saw it. To an onlooker it was more like “Oh shit, that drunk girl just fell over!” I began to excavate my personal tide pool, laughing to myself as I chucked boulders and corral out into the waves, which tossed me off my center. I am still nursing the reef rash, having been pounded into the jagged, black lava, by eight inch waves. I was joined by Fancy and Extra Fancy, both of whom found rings of corral, and did “Golem and precious” impersonations. The reef rash and vitality of the waves had me bent over waiting for an “ocenema”. A term we coined and then, I, took too far. An “ocenema” is as it sounds, get on all fours and wait for a wave. I can take it from pretty to pretty ugly real quick.

Waasted, the band wrote our first song that day. As all great songwriting teams will attest, it was an organic idea, based on trials and tribulations and dripping with life experience. The first lyric, simple but catchy:

Wasted

Wasted

I am fucking WAS-TED

Big Kahuna, was getting jealous of Kynalu’s ability to shirk us completely, so he whisked Fancy away to “The Chill Pool”. Thus leaving Extra Fancy and Number One strategizing an ocean pee. Offered the choice of trying to inconspicuously walk passed the restaurant to the bathroom or stumbling into the Pacific, we opted for the latter and came up with more lyrics:

Wasted

Wasted

Pissing on a TUR-TLE

We giggled in our own hot pockets and then swam around in 3 feet of water, both at risk of drowning. Extra Fancy noticed a little girl playing about five feet from us. She was a tiny nonconformist, with a hot pink mohawk and matching Roxy rash guard. Extra Fancy complimented her hair, not to be out-done, I pulled myself, like a sea monster, up the shore and bubbled, “Hello Little Girrrl” . Then the current pulled me, white knuckles dragging the shore,  back into its’ depths, I cryptically murmured, “Now I go awaaaay”. The little girl got out and ran up the beach for an adult, desperate for supervision and terrified. I still got it.

Wasted

Wasted

Hello little GIRL

Wasted

Wasted

Now I go AWAY

Having made a kid cry, we knew it was time to make like a banana and leave. Fancy, was distraught, having either lost, or been robbed of her brand new i-phone, which had been a source of much merriment, as it answers questions verbally. When asked by Kynalu, “Where can you dump a body around here?” Kynalu, being our angry son, in black, avoiding water, and knowing a lot about astronomy. Kynalu is “The Littlest Vampire”, hence that’s the kind of question he asked Fancy’s omnipotent i-phone. It retorted, “Metal refinery? Dump? Lake?” Gotta love a phone that doubles as a wingman.

Anyway, without that i-phone we needed a pick me up. Well actually, Fancy was looking for her phone, but it gave us a chance to go to “The Chill Pool”, another “residents only” perk. It features and infinity pool, with a view of the golf course and bay, and a fire pit. The private spa is very bougie and offers all the Aveda elixirs and tonics you can absorb, all surrounded by a man made jungle.

I must say if you have a hangover by 3:30PM and hit the spa for an hour, you’re ready for sunset on “Turtle Beach” by “The Canoe Club”.

These turtles, or honu, as they are known in Hawaii, are an endangered species since 1973. There’s a twenty foot limit to how close people are supposed to get. I used my lense, as the idea of distressing aquatic E.T. sets me up for years of sadness.

I am grateful, every time a wild animal looks me in the eye.

As the sun set on Day Two, we went to market and my hangover kicked in. Too many people, lights, and civilization, I was done, as they say on “The Jersey Shore”. Fancy ate a half a tub of sour cream and tortilla chips and went to bed. Kynalu had Maker’s Mark for dinner, Extra Fancy and I had rice and beans with guacamole, cheese and sour cream, and Big Kahuna wolfed down a couple of burritos as we closed out Day Two with an installment of “The Jersey Shore”. Mahalo!

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