If I were being honest and dredging the reality of my days for this blog I’d write a scathing post about women’s medical issues and how a woman’s body is useful only as a vessel for childbirth or as an object, having recently found out I have grapefruit sized fibroid (AKA non cancerous tumor), with its’ very own blood supply and possibly teeth and hair (google it- shit is real). I could write in all caps to express my OUTRAGE that my female doctor wouldn’t help me two years ago when I had sweet corpo insurance and the fibroid was only the size of an orange because I wasn’t trying to conceive. Thanks Sister. I could bitch about the 40+ hours spent on the phone trying to get insurance or the 7.5 hours spent waiting at a Medi-Cal office in the hood. But why, why should I?

Because I recently made my very first lasagna!

LASAGNA YA BISH!

LASAGNA YA BISH!

It came out really well, as I am a superb cook, in addition to the multitude of talents that I am really awesome at. I think I was Netflixing some Buffy The Vamire Slayer while I cooked this, so it’s full of ricotta and clever Joss Whedonisms.

I’ve been trying to eat well, as I am growing this hideous monster and can probably blame this and all future health problems on my previous diet of meat, cheese, bread, cigarettes, assorted drugs and alcohol. So I’ve been making these neat little bottles of herbal iced tea. I like things that are neat and cheap and easy, and these are that.

Jars of Ice Tea

Jars of Ice Tea

In addition to putzing around the kitchen and sitting on hold with various branches of local government while trying to obtain healthcare that does not resemble the killing rooms in Hostel Part 1 or Part 2, I managed to go camping, well actually glamping to celebrate a dear friend’s birthday.

Cast of Friday the 13th "Jason Glamps"

Cast of Friday the 13th “Jason Glamps”

Life's A Beach

Life’s A Beach!

Kite Courtesy of Anne's Beach Supply Superstore S.M. CA

Kite Courtesy of Anne’s Beach Supply Superstore S.M. CA

Go Fly A Kite!

Go Fly A Kite!

Fight Fire With FIRE!

Fight Fire With FIRE!

Love you Fucker!

Love you Fucker!

That being said, I’m on meds for a case of ring worm (IT’S A FUNGUS CHILLLLL) that I’ve had under one boob for 11 weeks. At the beach when I was glamping I was wading in the ocean and thought that I should go to the beach and lol around in the ocean as salt water always kills my zits. Then I took it a step further, as I am prone to, and recalled that a fungus can’t grow in light therefore I, who am English by birth, should go into the sun sans SPF. So now, to summarize: I can make lasagna and jars of ice tea, I have a fibroid that needs to be removed and third world medical insurance, and I have ringworm and the worst sunburn of my life. Might as well buy a lotto ticket.

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